Thursday, December 27, 2012

Again

So I've been home for almost week now . I haven't gone out or anything .
My social life basically revolves around KIK . The only platform that I use to communicate with my 2 friends . I have done basically nothing productive at all .
On a 'lighter' note , it's DAY 2 !

Sitting at home , facing the laptop all day , listening to live demo preaches by my parents . That's basically what I've done for the past week .

Maybe I should go out for some air . It's time now .

PS : I'm self-conscious ..

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Future

I don't know what I'm thinking of right now .
Who am I ? What do I want ? Where will I be in 10 years time ? 
For the past few days , these questions have been ringing in my head . 
I'm no longer a kid but yet I still have no idea what my dream is .

'What is your dream?' I used this answer this question really well when I was younger but now , I don't even know . 

I messed up my life 3 years ago . And I've been thinking , what if I hadn't ? Where will I be ? How will life be ? Will I still meet all these people ? Will I have the answer to my future ? Will I know what I want ?

Days passed and I still have no answer to what I want . I love what I'm doing , what I'm studying . But I have a feeling this is not my dream . Not what I want . But at the same time what I want .

Oh gosh what am I even saying ? I'm just all messed up .

...

So 5 days since my last post and everyday was a flop .
Well , except for today . Gonna Keep Holding On .
Bye :)

Friday, December 21, 2012

FLOP

Huge ass thick calf

So Neet and I went for a workout today . Quite unproductive but well we made it through today . Well , she did but not me . I went out on an empty stomach so once I reached her crib , all I did was eat .

I ate CHOCOLATES , ICE CREAM & CAKES .

Whatt .. So obviously first day was a flop . Anyway not gonna give up and try again . But first thing first , I really need to kick my addiction for chocolates and snacks . *sighs*

PS : Mark & Spencer's chocolate caramel waffle is heaven !

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Wake Up Call

This is like my 4th blog . I've constantly deleted my previous blog once I start to get tired of it . No joke .

Not really when I get tired of it , but when I look back at it , just so many memories just flood through and I hate it when I read it , all I do is cry . Yeah , I'm not someone that control my feelings . I cry when I'm sad and angry . But recently I've learnt putting your music on full blast with your headphones on really do help .

So Neet gave me a link to this blog and this really amazing girl , Melissa Sharif actually blogs about her Diet Journey . Halfway through reading it , my chest feels really heavy and I asked myself just what have I been doing my whole life ? Stuffing food down my throat is what I do best . I've been severely overweight ever since I was 9 . I've always been bigger than other kids but I've never really cared even when I start hearing people calling me fat . I will always say , "I'm born this way . No point trying . "

As I grow up , the phrase I hear all the time but never believed in ; "There's no ugly girl , there are just lazy ones ."

A few weeks ago , I was on a really strict 1 meal only diet . It was taking effect but after 2 weeks , I failed miserably and went back to my usual food regime . And now after I read that post , I feel nothing but remorse and regret . But well it's too late . 

Neet and Kris are gearing up for this fight and I'm really determined this time . I have them by my side and I'm not gonna stop halfway again . Well , I'm gonna try my utmost best . I kind of tasted the hardship of going on a diet and no harm going through it again . Well , I am still alive so yeahh ! 

P.S : Girls , this flat face cat look-alike will make you proud . Lol .