Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Define

I guess it's just me. To me, Big Family isn't the usual parents & siblings relationship. It's everyone, inclusive of grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles.
For the past 3 years, I've been delusive thinking that Big Family will always be by your side no matter what happens.
When you're no one, people would leave you but when you have everything, people would scramble to you just so they could get into that circle. I learnt a whole lot this year. Family isn't who you're bonded with by blood. It's who that would actually be there in your times of joy and needs. 

Blood is thicker than water. 
You got that right. But add water to it, the consistency would turn out the same.
If you're part of the Big family but acts no different than a stranger, are you really that family?

But even if majority left, there is still the few left that, whether you like it or not, still considers you family. Surprise phone calls, emails & messages that says something along the line of "I miss you. How have you been?" can make anyone cry. Even if you're a man.

Even if I've rambled on the water & blood theory, Family is Family, no matter how much you choose to deny it, the blood is still flowing and there's nothing in this world that can change that.
This whole post is confusing. Even I am confused.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Hurt



Tired of holding on, holding on too tight. 
I'm loosening my grip, preparing to let go.
Every time something happens, I'll be the one to hold on till the end. 
Being delusional that things will always be back to normal, I end up getting hurt.
Crumbling down real fast when it comes to feelings, I tell myself to let go.
It became some kind of a curse. Every year, I end up losing someone I love. 


Friends.
Quarrels & fights. I'm not good with words. I cry when my anger grabs hold of me.
Walking away from a fight is the best solution I'll offer myself. 
That is, if I'm the only one involve. 

I try my best to help when it come to others.
But every single freaking time, it feels as though I made things way worse.
I learned to look at things from afar, not getting involve. 
The pain cuts in deeper. It felt even worse than not trying.
Through all that, forcing a smile was the solution
Such a simple task yet so hard to accomplish.

Known as someone of few words. Even if I wasn't smiling, no one really cares.
Thinking that this will last, I threw away some of my life greatest memories. 
The sacrifices. The tears. It wasn't worth it. 
Karma's hitting me back. 
I threw something small but precious thinking that I could grab for something bigger. 
Boy, was I so wrong.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Corn

Well, hello!

Weight & diet The two words that have constantly been on my mind lately. I am severely overweight. Maybe it's time that I seriously get back on track to losing weight. I can't live with this body all my life. Especially when my health is concerned. I may look healthy but hell no, I'm not.

So yeah, corn has been my favorite food to munch on these days and boo yeah I found some really interesting facts about it. Corn is a 'Natural Weight-Loss Food'. 

Well hello CORN!



Friday, August 16, 2013

Love Triangle


Well, Hello!
Obviously I have zero experience on this but I've seen a lot of love triangle problems going on. And yes it is such a huge thing for me. I used to be that person who is really judgmental and go like 'I bet the girl cheated on him.'
Every time we hear a couple break up, all blame goes to the one that actually 'moved on' first. That's a wee bit bias isn't it? I mean not all happens that way. Who are we to judge when we don't even know of the true story. Before I go on, let me just say that I truly do not condone the act of cheating on your other half.
Sometimes, things happens for a certain reason and this varies widely. I can only think of a few right now- abusive, feelings fade, flirtatious and etc. 
The first personal encounter definitely made me gag. She had a boyfriend in another class. For about a month, she was flirting with another classmate, holding hands and kissing. Their relationship was only in the classroom. Mind you, how can I not get angry when they were sitting right in front of me and plus I was really close friends with both the girl and her real boyfriend! (I'm still friends with the girl though)
Well, thanks to that, I became a really judgmental person toward relationship. 
Recently, 6 years later, a friend totally changed that perception. When I felt that she was getting too close to another guy, all assumptions filled my head. Esp when I knew she has a boyfriend.
 We talked and confessed. I finally understood everything. The first thing that I said was ' Then break up with him.' It wasn't as simple as that. Way too many things were going on and it was crazy. I would go into details but in the future maybe. 
Cheating doesn't just derive from the fact that 'Oh I feel like cheating on my partner, let's go!'
There are so many contributing factors. Just like how a perfectly happy family can be torn apart, friends becoming enemy, being jobless. All this has a contributing factor.
Everything happens for a reason. Be it if the outcome is a good or bad thing. One thing's for sure, a setback like this definitely proves if the relationship is a sturdy or a rocky one. 
But still, 

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Society

I realized that I've been coming over here just to express my worries and insecurities. Well that isn't gonna change anytime soon. I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm not getting any answer that could actually help me with it. 

Society, I deem the society I'm living in, a fucked up one. Equality and what not clearly doesn't exist here. It applies to all, be it race, religion, social status, appearance; basically everything. Every single thing you do, you're being judge by everyone. 

Apparently, I would want to try and live by my life motto; 'Do whatever you want, as long as you're happy.'
But as I grow older, I realized just how messed up that is. Every single thing you do, you're being judged upon heavily. I realized how unhappy I am. Everything I'm doing is just so that I could please everyone around me. I care too much about what others think, which is my fault but at the same time, it derives from the pressure that the society is giving us. 

The thought of packing my bags and moving far away from here has crossed my mind countless of times. If it wasn't because of financial wise, I would have long been gone from here. Not that it would make any difference but just the thought of being at a place where no one knows me, would actually give me the guts to be myself and do things without thinking of other people's opinion. 

An example would be when we went on a Student Exchange in Hong Kong for 2 weeks. Throughout the whole trip, I only had 6 people that knew me before we went there. I did new things, I tried different clothes, I even 'dance' in a video and our hotel room. I did things that I would have never dared to do while I'm in Singapore. The moment I reached back home, I returned back to my old self. Because this is a country that I've been living my whole life in. 
I want to be able to break out of that shell, just fly out and give zero fucks to people's opinion.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Letting Go

19 years of memories . It means nothing now .

I finally understand why Dad told me not to hang too much hope on it . Because I did , it freaking hurts .

Memories built over all these years , how the hell am I suppose to throw it away ?

If I start to un-friend them on facebook , unfollow on twitter & instagram . No doubt they'll find out .
As of now , ignoring is the best way out .

It feels like as if I'm being choked to death . This fucking hurts .

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Pissed

So well waiting for cousin for almost an hour now . To be honest I'm bloody freaking pissed but when she arrives later , I won't be able to show it coz I simply can't get angry at family . Loser , yeah I know .

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Saying sorry doesn't change the fact that you did the wrong .

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2013 !

Woohooo !
Boo yeah it's 2013 people !

Lol , actually it isn't any special , just the start of the new year and new term in school :/
So spent new year's eve at Macs with JC . The moment the clock striked 12 , we shook hand . So formal .

Okay so like any other year , my new year resolution is still the same . Just that it never came true all those years , but I hope it does this year . And with that HAPPY NEW YEAR !
And Goodbye !

PS : Feelings = 20%