I realized that I've been coming over here just to express my worries and insecurities. Well that isn't gonna change anytime soon. I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm not getting any answer that could actually help me with it.
Society, I deem the society I'm living in, a fucked up one. Equality and what not clearly doesn't exist here. It applies to all, be it race, religion, social status, appearance; basically everything. Every single thing you do, you're being judge by everyone.
Apparently, I would want to try and live by my life motto; 'Do whatever you want, as long as you're happy.'
But as I grow older, I realized just how messed up that is. Every single thing you do, you're being judged upon heavily. I realized how unhappy I am. Everything I'm doing is just so that I could please everyone around me. I care too much about what others think, which is my fault but at the same time, it derives from the pressure that the society is giving us.
The thought of packing my bags and moving far away from here has crossed my mind countless of times. If it wasn't because of financial wise, I would have long been gone from here. Not that it would make any difference but just the thought of being at a place where no one knows me, would actually give me the guts to be myself and do things without thinking of other people's opinion.
An example would be when we went on a Student Exchange in Hong Kong for 2 weeks. Throughout the whole trip, I only had 6 people that knew me before we went there. I did new things, I tried different clothes, I even 'dance' in a video and our hotel room. I did things that I would have never dared to do while I'm in Singapore. The moment I reached back home, I returned back to my old self. Because this is a country that I've been living my whole life in.
I want to be able to break out of that shell, just fly out and give zero fucks to people's opinion.