Wednesday, October 23, 2013


I guess it's just me. To me, Big Family isn't the usual parents & siblings relationship. It's everyone, inclusive of grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles.
For the past 3 years, I've been delusive thinking that Big Family will always be by your side no matter what happens.
When you're no one, people would leave you but when you have everything, people would scramble to you just so they could get into that circle. I learnt a whole lot this year. Family isn't who you're bonded with by blood. It's who that would actually be there in your times of joy and needs. 

Blood is thicker than water. 
You got that right. But add water to it, the consistency would turn out the same.
If you're part of the Big family but acts no different than a stranger, are you really that family?

But even if majority left, there is still the few left that, whether you like it or not, still considers you family. Surprise phone calls, emails & messages that says something along the line of "I miss you. How have you been?" can make anyone cry. Even if you're a man.

Even if I've rambled on the water & blood theory, Family is Family, no matter how much you choose to deny it, the blood is still flowing and there's nothing in this world that can change that.
This whole post is confusing. Even I am confused.

Sunday, October 6, 2013


Tired of holding on, holding on too tight. 
I'm loosening my grip, preparing to let go.
Every time something happens, I'll be the one to hold on till the end. 
Being delusional that things will always be back to normal, I end up getting hurt.
Crumbling down real fast when it comes to feelings, I tell myself to let go.
It became some kind of a curse. Every year, I end up losing someone I love. 

Quarrels & fights. I'm not good with words. I cry when my anger grabs hold of me.
Walking away from a fight is the best solution I'll offer myself. 
That is, if I'm the only one involve. 

I try my best to help when it come to others.
But every single freaking time, it feels as though I made things way worse.
I learned to look at things from afar, not getting involve. 
The pain cuts in deeper. It felt even worse than not trying.
Through all that, forcing a smile was the solution
Such a simple task yet so hard to accomplish.

Known as someone of few words. Even if I wasn't smiling, no one really cares.
Thinking that this will last, I threw away some of my life greatest memories. 
The sacrifices. The tears. It wasn't worth it. 
Karma's hitting me back. 
I threw something small but precious thinking that I could grab for something bigger. 
Boy, was I so wrong.