Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Just a Little Something

Once too many times, it happened.
When one wavers from their original intentions.
To stay on the right path is the struggle.
Then, the end product feels like a miracle.
When in truth, you worked your ass off for it,
For that DREAM

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Dedication

I was given a mission to write about how this person whom I shall label N, changed my life since I’ve met her.  The first impression I had of her was “Ahh this girl looks really outgoing and confident!” As a class, we sat in a huge circle and had an ice-breaking activity. First up, we had to introduce ourselves. She introduced herself with confidence and clarity, I was immediately awed. People’s first impression of me is that I usually look arrogant and angry but shockingly enough, she told me that her first impression of me was that I looked friendly because I kept on smiling towards her. Hey, anything to make a new friend right?

I never knew how bad I was at making friends till I met her. I kept on going back and forth between groups that she got sick and tired of my ways. I’m glad we managed to get over that fight in May 2012. I honestly was so scared that I was gonna lose her. At that point, even though it was only a few months since we’ve met, I knew I was gonna lose my ways and I was gonna be very lost if I were to lose her then.  Woah, talk about the usage of the word lost in a sentence.

Between us, she was always the more cheerful, friendly and outgoing one. It has always been because of her that I’m able to meet more people. I’m obviously the quieter and the boring one amongst us and I’m thankful that she has been able to stand this side of me. On the train rides to and from school, she said that I’m always listening to music and not entertaining her. But still, she’s here till this day. Hmm, no choice maybe? (Kidding)

She said that we’re like the childish couple that laughs at everything and I couldn’t agree more. When I’m with her, I’m able to put behind any worries and trouble I had. We laugh at about anything even the smallest thing such as one’s facial expression. Do you remember when we laughed uncontrollably on the train to the extent that someone offered you tissues because you were tearing up? The rare moments of me trying to get my 2 feet dancing on the rooftop? The surprises you've made for my birthday 2 years consecutively? I've never really got to say how incredibly thankful I was.

I’ve always been able to be myself around her. We can eat in silence and she wouldn’t mind (do you?) I can be weird and annoying one moment and really quiet at the next, and yet she is still able to stand this side of me. Whenever I’m with her, I don’t feel the pressure to be someone I’m not. I curse, I say things that don’t make sense and I don’t get jokes sometimes but yet she’s still here.

I’ll usually keep quiet when any misunderstanding or something that I’m not satisfied with happens. But she taught me that it’s ok to be aggressive and bring it up. It actually makes the friendship stronger. She taught me that you have to fight for a friendship or basically any relationship. I’m really bad at keeping contact and when she actually puts in the effort to text me something, I’m so grateful and that one simple text can turn into something really fun and entertaining that usually does not weigh a thing. We can spend hours and hours talking about love and situations and still go back to that same topic the same day. Even the name of this blog link came from her. I’ll never get tired of her.

N,

 I've come to a conclusion that I've failed this mission. So many things have changed since the first time I met you but it’s really hard to put it into words and even sentences. You’ve affected my life more than you know it.  Whenever I’m in a fixed, I can always count on you to be my escapade. In these few years of us being friends, I’ve had more quarrels and misunderstanding with you than my ‘other’ friend. Don’t take it the wrong way. I'm actually grateful that it happened. This is actually the best way to sustain one’s friendship.  Every time we come out of that situation, the friendship seems to get stronger.

You don’t believe in the idea of best friends unless you’ve been together for a certain amount of years. But I’ll always say that you are one of my best friends. I love you and I will always treasure you. After graduation, a part of me felt that “Ahh this is it. I’m probably never gonna see you guys again.”  But hey, 10 months later and we're still here. I’ve never felt the true meaning of friendship till I’ve met you.
Thank you for being in my life.
Thank you for all delicious goods you’ve baked.
Thank you for always being true to yourself. 
Thank you for always cheering my up when I'm down.
Thank you for all the things that you've taught me.
Thank you for always being generous. (oops copyright) But it’s true! You’re one of the most generous person I’ve met in my life!
Thank you for reading this one ass long post dedicated to you.

I really hope this friendship would last for a really long time. Maybe we’ll be able to sip coffee in the future with our mini me’s running around? I really hope that day will come and when it happens, I’ll make them call you Umi!

Lots of Love,
AJ

Monday, October 20, 2014

'I Want'

I'm torn apart, I'm so confused and I just don't know what to do. It's to the point that I break down thinking of what I really want to do. I am so jealous looking at all my friends still being in school but I don't want to go back. Technically, I'm still an enrolled student. I have yet to officially withdraw due to some really annoying matters. I'm working. 

I want to be able to know what's my calling. I want to be happy in doing something. I want to find myself. But all this 'i want' gets me nowhere. It's to the point that I just want to give up. Like literally just lay on the bed, sleep and dream all day long. There's a reason why my imagination is out of this world. I want to be able to find it; that calling. Goshh it's so frustrating!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

New Begining Part 2

   Oh damn, the post that you're about to read; I wrote it on 26 September 2014. I can't really remember why I never posted it but it was an insight to how I really felt about making the new changes. Fast forward, it's 2017 now and there are times where I regret making such a decision but then again, I really am happy at where I am in life right now. I might take a little more time than my peers. I might fail again. However at the end of the day, I'm still going to get back up. I still am going to make it someday. It's not about how fast you get there, it's about how you get there. So here goes nothing, welcome to the mind of 21 year old Amirah.


"I've made a really important decision that will significantly change my fate in the future(?)
It's not official yet but I've definitely set my heart and mind into it. I can't remember if I've ever said it before but I have yet to know what my dreams are. What I want to really do as a career. 

I do however know that what I'm studying is unfortunately not what I want to do. I simply cannot imagine myself being in the filming industry. I still love the entertainment and media industry. I strive towards that but unfortunately not in the filming one. 

I am so happy for my classmates and friends who are loving what they're doing. The smiles on their faces are priceless. Yet, I am also really envious of them. All of them are younger than I am but they somehow know what they wanna achieve in life. What their dreams are and all. Then you have me. I never really told anyone about this but going to school, to me, it felt like I was surrendering and placing myself in prison. I felt tortured and tormented but then I realise that I placed myself in this situation.

Like I said, I have yet to really discover what my dream and passions are. I need time. A week, a month, a year or even many years. I don't know but I do know that one day I'll definitely find my calling. To many people, what I'm doing now is stupid. Dropping out of school when you do not know what you want to do is definitely stupid. But I need this, I need to drop whatever that is holding myself back in order to find what's waiting ahead for me. It's going to be one hell of a scary and bumpy ride but it's going to be worth it.

I'm in Singapore. A country in which a certificate signifies your value when getting a job. 5 months ago when I blogged about getting into polytechnic, I was so happy and excited because all I could think about was how I'm gonna get my diploma in 3 years and how I'm going to get a better job but now all I want to do is to be happy. For myself.

No more dragging myself to school and then think, "it's okay, you're friends are gonna be there for you". I'm living for myself, not for others. They're not going to be there for every step of the way. This is my life, my future, my happiness. I don't need a certificate to signify my value in the society. I just need to be happy. I just need to be me."

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

New Beginnings

WHAT'S UP?

A new year, a new resolution & a new school. That's me right now. I can't even remember when was the last time I actually blogged.


I finally graduated from 2 years in ITE! Woohoo! I clearly remembered that when I first entered ITE, I was clueless and at lost as to why I was even there. Did my O levels but I did really bad at it and was forced to take ITE Nitec course as that was the only choice I had. I waited a year and enrolled in the only course I was interested in, Digital Audio & Video Production. Initially,yes I regretted it but now, boy am I glad I made that choice. I figured since I'm doing nitec, 2 years later in 2014, I'll probably take H.Nitec before making my way into Poly but thank god, I actually am in Poly now, in 2014.

Making it to Poly after Nitec was nowhere in my imaginations, in fact I thought that I'll probably start working straight after DAVP. But when I received my results, I actually shouted and cried (dramatic I know), but I never expected it. Imagine, yes but never expected it. 
Long story short, it's been a month that I've started school. The studies here are much more fast forward, loads of assignment and definitely no spoon feeding. The type of people I've met are pretty much still the same, except way more friendlier and outgoing to meet new people. I actually am associating with people outside of class(shocker,I know). Oh and not to forget, some are way younger, even younger than my younger brother. "Omg so when I'm in Sec 1 you're already in Sec 4?!" Yupp that's the huge difference all right. 

Making new friends is easy(?) but sustaining a friendship takes effort. Truth to be told, I'm really afraid. I mean not everyone are the same, but what if history repeats itself? I care too much now that if it happens again, I'm just gonna break down and this time I'm pretty sure it's gonna be hard to get back up. 

It's impossible that they'll be like them but who am I to judge? Heck I get betrayed all the time ; I'm the worse person when it comes to judging. Fingers crossed that maybe, hopefully, this time, it will be different. I don't want to go through that period of uncertainty again, ever.