Tuesday, September 16, 2014

New Begining Part 2

   Oh damn, the post that you're about to read; I wrote it on 26 September 2014. I can't really remember why I never posted it but it was an insight to how I really felt about making the new changes. Fast forward, it's 2017 now and there are times where I regret making such a decision but then again, I really am happy at where I am in life right now. I might take a little more time than my peers. I might fail again. However at the end of the day, I'm still going to get back up. I still am going to make it someday. It's not about how fast you get there, it's about how you get there. So here goes nothing, welcome to the mind of 21 year old Amirah.

"I've made a really important decision that will significantly change my fate in the future(?)
It's not official yet but I've definitely set my heart and mind into it. I can't remember if I've ever said it before but I have yet to know what my dreams are. What I want to really do as a career. 

I do however know that what I'm studying is unfortunately not what I want to do. I simply cannot imagine myself being in the filming industry. I still love the entertainment and media industry. I strive towards that but unfortunately not in the filming one. 

I am so happy for my classmates and friends who are loving what they're doing. The smiles on their faces are priceless. Yet, I am also really envious of them. All of them are younger than I am but they somehow know what they wanna achieve in life. What their dreams are and all. Then you have me. I never really told anyone about this but going to school, to me, it felt like I was surrendering and placing myself in prison. I felt tortured and tormented but then I realise that I placed myself in this situation.

Like I said, I have yet to really discover what my dream and passions are. I need time. A week, a month, a year or even many years. I don't know but I do know that one day I'll definitely find my calling. To many people, what I'm doing now is stupid. Dropping out of school when you do not know what you want to do is definitely stupid. But I need this, I need to drop whatever that is holding myself back in order to find what's waiting ahead for me. It's going to be one hell of a scary and bumpy ride but it's going to be worth it.

I'm in Singapore. A country in which a certificate signifies your value when getting a job. 5 months ago when I blogged about getting into polytechnic, I was so happy and excited because all I could think about was how I'm gonna get my diploma in 3 years and how I'm going to get a better job but now all I want to do is to be happy. For myself.

No more dragging myself to school and then think, "it's okay, you're friends are gonna be there for you". I'm living for myself, not for others. They're not going to be there for every step of the way. This is my life, my future, my happiness. I don't need a certificate to signify my value in the society. I just need to be happy. I just need to be me."

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