Wednesday, January 7, 2015

'I Hate Everyone' Day

As you can see, I've failed in updating daily about the 2 week dorm life. I still have 7 more days to go anyways. As per the title, yesterday was one of the worst day in a while. It wasn't due to any outside factor but just because of how shitty I felt. I was the worst person to converse with yesterday. Being as emotional as I was, I wrote down a little something just to vent my anger out.

"It’s happening again. It’s like as if mid-life crisis came early for me. Once again, as painful as it was the last time, I am yet again questioning my existence. The burden that I’ve been carrying for the past months have build up to the point of exploding. Everyone has his or her own stories. Everyone has his or her own pain. They are strong enough to cover it up with a smile. I AM NOT. I show it on my face. I don’t mean to be mad at people but it has build up to the point that I don’t even know what or who am I really mad at. I don’t have a solution for my problem. All I want to do is mope around in my room and cry my hearts out. Literally. It feel so suffocating I just want everyone to stop. What do I do?

Everywhere I go, I see smiling faces all around. Can I not be happy too? Yes, I know there are much more harder problems out there. There are more people suffering than I am. This thing I’m feeling needs to go away. What if I do quit and not know what I want to do? What if I am not fated to hold a professional position that I want (Allah knows whatever that is). Please help me get through this.

No, I’m not okay. I don’t get why I am so angry when I see you smile. I want to be happy too."

As you can see by that, I was an emotional wreck yesterday. That feeling should never ever come back.

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